how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
