I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
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Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
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Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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