I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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