That's intense
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
