I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
