hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
this boner is exhausting
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
