There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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