You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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