Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I skipped work to stalk him.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
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