u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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