I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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