You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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