the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
