I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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