The maid of honor just puked.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
