I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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