i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So vagazzling was a success
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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