I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
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I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
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It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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