the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
