he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
