drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
