WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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