you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
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So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
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There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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