I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
