He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
