one two three fourrrrnication!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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