she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Terrible idea I love it
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
