Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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