Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
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I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
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U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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