I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The feeling are messing with the penis
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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