I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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