i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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