I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
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