he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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