Soap is not a condiment
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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