I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
