I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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