I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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