***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
