He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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