Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
