i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
it hurts more in the daytime
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
i think my cat just said my name.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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