i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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