Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
