Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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