yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
