He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
