Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
