In America we eat man semen.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
