My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
