he wants to bone in the snuggie
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
