His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
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You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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