I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
