Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
