my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
