Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
