I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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